holidaze.

I have ambivalent feelings towards coming home. I love spending time with my family and friends, but since they've spread out through the entire state, it has become increasingly difficult to spend the amount of time that I would like with them in the time that I'm given here.

Throughout my ten nights in Illinois, I closed my eyes in five different beds. I come back to what I now feel is "my bed," and lying down at night, I reflect on my time with my loved ones. I told myself that when I was back, I was going to make certain that my time was going to be about quality. "Be Here Now," as Ray LaMontagne sings. I have tried to make that my mantra. However, I realize that all of my activities may have seemed as though they were right, but felt slightly off kilter in my internal feelings.

When I flew in, my dad and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day curled up by the fireplace, watching movies and catching up. It was the exact kind of relaxation I craved. We sipped on our Canadian Club and Coke Zeroes, and tried to ignore the fact that it was just us two of us this year, which had never happened in years past. It was the first year in which the kids weren't able to work out a trip between Macomb and Bloomington on Christmas day to split time between the parents.

My brother and sister joined us the next day, along with my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and two cousins. My dad's girlfriend and her children were there as well. It was the first time we had all shared the same space.

I left for Chicago that day and spent some time with some old college friends. I love how comfortable it is hanging out with them, and it is always nice to catch up. Playing Wii and seeing Wrigleyville was very reminiscent. However, two bottles of wine and some rum and diets later, I spent too much of that time hugging the toilet in my friend's bathroom. This was not quality. It was about too much quantity.


Sunday was severely shortened due to the previous night's events, and I spent most of the day in my friend's bed. I was able to shower and head out to meet up with some friends from grad school, whom I hadn't seen in over a year. I've kept in touch with some of them...but most of the time when we talk, it ends up being about work - a subject that I don't usually have a strong desire to discuss when not sitting in my cubicle. But it's always good to go new places with familiar faces. We all were in Chicago from Orange County, Baton Rouge, Dallas, Atlanta, St. Louis, and DC. How many other groups of people at that pizza joint do you think could say that?

I then was able to spend some time at "home." Or, my hometown I should say. My mom has since sold the house I grew up in, and moved into a small house in a different part of town until she can make her way up to Chicago's suburbs to be closer to her family. It was a little odd, but I spend as much time as possible doing as little as possible. I saw some friends, had a few drinks, made food, shopped with my sister, worked a bit, hung out in the local coffee shop...fairly typical break stuff, I think. I made my sister drive by our old house. It might have been because of the lack of leaves on the trees and bushes during the winter months, but it looked so desolate. The family living there now doesn't know how much that roof over our heads meant. It's small, yes. but I loved it. We used every room in that house. It was really lived in for almost 24 years. I hope they live in it too.

I try not to generate huge expectations for New Years Eve. This year was no different. I was able to spend it with some people I love, and also some new faces for the turning of the new year - the new decade. Taboo was a big part of that night. So was whisky - which I have decided to make my new drink of choice. The face of my old boyfriend reappeared, and I was pleasantly surprised to spend two nights with him.

Some other holiday pictures that I took...to explain my whereabouts in other times. Family parties, movies, ice skating, food. The usual.

Two new additions to our family who I got to meet last week:


Roommate's Bachelorette Party:

Mom's new house in Carol Stream:

Nine at Hollywood Palms Theater:

Gift exchange/drinks with the soulmates and Jorge:

Ice skating:


Who knows what 2010 will bring. But if it's true that your first day determines how your year will turn out - it will be filled with love, excitement, family, friends, and some unexpected twists! I can look forward to that.

Yo! Ga

I needed it today. It helped me unclench my jaw that I've been holding so tightly together, and feel the relaxation throughout my cheeks and my temples. Also, the instructor reminded me to melt my shoulders down my back, which allowed me to pull them away from my ears, where they've been living the past few weeks. I've been wound pretty tightly, which has not been conducive to the laid back lifestyle I much rather have going on.

Normally when I do yoga, I feel like my world is about 70" by 20" big. Today, when I was lying in shavasana, I imagined that the air from my breath was pushing out into the universe, and it was growing and expanding with my tummy.

On my way home, I turned off my music that I had blasting, and enjoyed the sound of driving. I listened to the hums, purrs, and hisses of the other cars, along with the different sounds my car was making. I didn't even miss the music.

Have a namaste.

inspired by...

Julie and Julia...what else? Yes, I rented the movie from On Demand, and couldn't resist the urge to write a blog afterwards. Considering the whole premise is based on a woman's blog about Julia Childs....the character of Julie often refers to the "you" to whom she's writing in her blog..."whoever you is." she writes. Which is often how I feel. This is like writing into a a blog hole, without knowing if anyone is reading it. But at times, can be cathartic. Put it out there. I know I'm not writing about anything spectacular. But I'm writing about my life, which to me is the only thing I know, ya know?

Sitting at home alone on a Friday night is often described as being lame. I see that. But most of my friends are gone - either having already gone home for the holidays, or have permanently moved away from me :(. And my roommate is babysitting her nephew. And actually, I don't feel like defending myself, because I really do enjoy it.

The past two weeks have been pretty busy for me. I have gone out to lunch four times, which is more than I usually do in an entire month, I started trying to play guitar again, I made stuffed shells, I went to a birthday party and a going away party, I went back to my old yoga studio, saw a concert with friends, and worked about 90 hours and went out on two dates. For me that's a lot.

Now about this whole dating thing...I don't think I'm good at it. Since I've been here, I have gone on several - maybe 7? - first dates with different guys. How many second dates? None. Not only am I not good at it, but I don't think I like it very much. Don't get me wrong - the feeling of brewing interest,the butterflies, constant thoughts, and tingling cheek feeling is great. But that tends to only happen when the feeling is mutual, right? It hasn't happened yet. In every case, it's been either me or him who has been the interested party. Wah waaaah.

I'm excited to go back to Illinois for the holidays. I have been careful not to say "home for the holidays" this year, though. Since my mom sold the only house I've ever known, I don't really feel an attachment to any certain "home" anymore. I keep in my mind something that I think Buddha said: "Attachment to anything material will only lead to disappointment." Although I'm not entirely sure that's the correct wording, nor am I sure I completely agree, it helps keep my mind a bit at ease. A house is a house is a house. Who said "home is where the heart is?" Tumbleweeds, I think.

Either way, a week filled of family and friends and abounding holiday cheer will lift my spirits and bring me back to the me I know and love.

It's snowing here - we're supposed to get about a foot! My dad told me I should keep my plans of going to the Eastern Market tomorrow. I think walking around in the newly fallen snow could be one of the most beautiful sights I've seen in a long time. I might just be crazy enough to try it. Until then, good night and sweet dreams.

Love love love,
Crystal

I think I can...

"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can not, I give myself reasons why I can." ~Unknown

This weekend when I was in Columbus Ohio with my dad, I said for the first time outloud that I was going to run the marathon. He sat back and called out the fact that I had never before confirmed that I was going to. I had said, "I would like to," and "I might," but never, "I am going to run the marathon in San Diego this summer."

I will do it...it's time for me to take that leap of faith!

As it turns out, it wasn't that I neede encouragement from others, but just from myself. Today, I believe in me.

I believe in you, too.

all is full of love.

It's funny how I'm sitting in bed and thinking about what a great day I had. I appreciate how my mind can downplay the sucky things, because they happened in between the wonderful things.

Tuesdays are still my favorite days during the work week, but for different reasons than a few months ago. These are the morning when I force myself out of bed at about 5 a.m. (which is supremely early for me), and go to the gym. I've begun training to train for the marathon as I've mentioned, so I run for a bit. Then I get to go to yoga for an hour. It's wonderful. They dim the lights of the room, and my life is right there for me on the mat. I have no idea how early/late it is. I'm genuinely peaceful. I loooooooooooove it.

Work was stressful today, so we're not going to talk about it. But I did eat one and a half of our vegan cookies from Pattycake Vegan Bakery, which put my sugar infused brain at ease for a while.

I decided when work was over I was going to treat myself to some shrimp and a glass of wine, so I ventured to Whole Foods and picked up a Temperanillo, and a 2lb. bag of shrimp. That was all they had...I'll be eating shrimp on everything from sandwiches to cereal for the next few weeks. AND it was buy-one, get-one free kind of deal, but I opted out of that, as it would have been a big waste of food - better to save it for someone who will get some good use out of it. Feed their family and such.

Anyway, Tuesdays are also the days when my roommate has night class. While I enjoy her company, alone time is also very great when I usually only get it once a week. I played guitar tonight. I will officially go out on a limg and say that I'm comfortable playing "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd, and "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" by John Mayer...mostly with the actual song playing on my iTunes as well. I'm making progress! And no matter how much the tips of my left fingers hurt, I am thoroughly enjoying learning this new instrument.

The beginning and the end to the first day of the month is what made it great. It's almost like this evening was today's way of redeeming itself. Oh, and when I accidentally woke up at 3:45 a.m., I said Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit. I'm proud that I remembered.

I also just remembered how much I enjoy Bjork. Actually, that's a lie. I don't even own any of her music. But every time I hear one of her songs, it makes me remember that I like it. I don't even remember how I came across her youtube video today...but it just helped make this evening / today more joyous.

Tomorrow will be great too. Grrrrreat!

The motivation to train for training

I've decided to begin training for the marathon in June, 2010. Well, I have begun training to prepare for the inevitable training that will launch in approximately January. I still haven't signed up. I'm extremely nervous to commit to such an event. Will I be able to run such a distance? I don't know. So many people have done it before...why wouldn't I be able to? (That's what I tell myself about being in labor too...why am I thinking about having a baby when I'm not even dating anyone? I'm not quite sure. I generally chalk it up to the estrogen.)

I'm afraid that this ephemeral state of motivation will quickly dissipate, and I will discontinue my regimen, all the while making stupid excuses as to why I can't/don't have time to run. In yoga, I always tell myself how much more strong and capable my body is than I think it is. I now wonder if I believe myself because I'm pushing my limits for only about an hour and a half of my life at a time. Training for the marathon would require that I tell myself this daily for 18 entire weeks. Does that sound like a lot? There are 52 weeks in a year, which mean that's about 9/26 of the calendar year...and that's about the best math I can do.

My dad told me to just say "YES" to the marathon. I'm saying that now. I'm just already disappointed in my(future)self for quitting. Without truly beginning. That is whack. Words of encouragement encouraged.

Quality vs. Quantity

Last night, I had the opportunity to go out with some friends. I had stayed in and watched a movie on Friday, and spent the majority of my Saturday secluded in my room cleaning/organizing/dusting/making my space a little more livable. I was excited at the prospect of interacting with people, since I had spent so much time in solitude. When the time came to start getting ready - the deciding of what outfit to wear, how i will do my hair, what make up to put on - there was no motivation to start doing this. Normally, I find this kind of lack of motivation in situations pertaining to work, or other activities that I don't necessarily want to participate in...sometimes running or exercise. I didn't expect this feeling when it came time to prepare myself for hanging out with my friends.

I plopped myself on my roommate's bed and explained to her the situation. Saying it out loud helped me work through it in my head. What I ended up telling her is that I'm tired of going out with the purpose of drinking with people whose purpose is getting drunk. These people who I've been going out to bars or clubs with almost every weekend for several months now, are not my friends. I hardly know them. They have no idea who I am. That seemed to be what my lack of motivation was stemming from. The difference between going out into the public with friends is still quality time spent together. When I am with acquaintances, the quality is lacking; therefore the experience isn't as great.

Now, is it my fault that these people have not grown into good friends? Possibly. I've been invited to more than I've attended. But when all of the events are centered on the same drinking factor, how is that conducive to allowing the friendship to develop? It's like keeping a plant in a pot under a light: it's not going to grow as big as it would if it was planted in the Earth. And the strong foundation upon which it can grow is just not there.

I didn't go out. Again, I couldn't put forth the effort to do something in which I semi-disinterested, to wake up feeling headachy, groggy, and slightly nauseated. Instead, I donned sweatpants, grabbed a glass (or three) of wine, and watched A Lot Like Love. I feel pretty about my decision good this morning.

That being said, I miss good friends. It's those people I can truly do anything with and still feel as though our time together is genuine. I know I've been harping on this sentiment for a few weeks now, but the feeling is becoming more palpable. It's getting harder and harder for me to enjoy this amazing place alone.

My note from the Universe the other day:

Thinking brand new thoughts that you've never thought before, Crystal, is
wildly more conducive to creating big life changes than just thinking different
varieties of the same old thoughts.

Think about it -
The Universe

Like, where will you be at this time next year, Crystal? Who will you be
playing elephant polo with?

Brand NEW thoughts. Where did those go? How did I get these thoughts stuck in my own head so much that they won't leave? Brand new thoughts. Where will I be this time next year? ... I'm not sure, but my free time is becoming increasingly uneventful. And something needs to change. Is it me who needs to change my way of thinking? Can a different perspective make the same situation much more tolerable...enjoyable even? I think so. I'm the only one who can push myself to think brand new thoughts.

Thanks for listening to/reading my rant. That was a bit of a long one.

11:11 on 11/11

Special moment spent with special people. We just danced. And thanks to the highest sykpiest technology, we were able to dance WITH each other, via webcam.

little victories

• Using my spanish speaking ability to help the hispanic woman at the grocery store learn that honey roasted peanuts were dulce
• Going for a run, and actually feeling good, rather than hating every step I take
• Realizing that I haven't drank out of a disposable plastic water bottle for months

• Feeling comfortable enough with myself/the other person to not hold back during your dance party in the living room
• Getting excited at work the day of our weekly "make a new dinner recipe night"
  
• Not feeling guilty about going to a movie by myself, and ordering popcorn, pop, AND chocolate candy
• Coming to terms with the fact that I probably like the idea of dating the guy more so than the actual guy

• Spending a Saturday night in bed, and being perfectly content with my decision to do so
  
• Enjoying the long drive - even when I'm stuck in traffic for over an hour, because it's a clear night and I can roll back the sunroof and look up at the stars
  
• Attending the aerobics class at the gym, where every other woman who is at least twice my age is very supportive and encouraging
  

Nothing extraordinary has happened in the last week. But these are the little instances where I have noticed that I'm unintentionally smiling to myself, and sometimes at other people. An "It's the simple things in life" type of approach.

streaks in the sky

Falling Stars by Rainer Maria Rilke

Do you remember still the falling stars
that like swift horses through the heavens raced
and suddenly leaped across the hurdles
of our wishes--do you recall? And we
did make so many! For there were countless numbers
of stars: each time we looked above we were
astounded by the swiftness of their daring play,
while in our hearts we felt safe and secure
watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate,
knowing somehow we had survived their fall.

I woke up early this morning, because I had read that there was a meteor shower from 1 a.m. - 6 a.m. Eastern Time this morning. I already had to wake up early for work, so I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier than I had planned. At 5:45, I put on sweatpants, boots, my winter coat, and a hat to go stand in our backyard area, ready to be amazed.

There's a fire station across the path, which has its lights on all night, so I was extremely surprised when I looked up and saw Orion and his belt perfectly. The sky was still black, and the stars were bright as ever. Has anyone else ever worked with those boards from art class? Where there black, but then you use a small knife to scratch away the black, and behind it is either silver or gold? Well, I remember doing that when I was a senior in high school, and ever since then I have thought about stars that way. They look like someone came in and took their little knife and just scratched the black away...

Either way, I love the stars. I love looking up at the sky, sometimes trying to count them - figuring out which constellation is which...although I tend to only be able to recognize the popular ones. I'm always pleasantly surprised by myself when I can recognize Cassiopeia, which doesn't happen very often.


But this morning, only a few seconds after looking out into the sky - I saw one!!! The short streak of light shoot across the sky. It was enough to make my day, and even my week.

March for Equality

Today, I witnessed history. The National March for Equality brought tens of thousands of people from all over the country to one place in order to demand equality for every citizen. I can't express how proud I was to be a part of something to magnificent, so I won't even try. But I would like to share my some of my experience.


I learned today about the injustice that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people face when it comes to their relationships. I learned that the Defense of Marriage Act does not actually do as its title suggests: it does not defend marriage, but it restricts marriage so that the union will only be legally recognized if it involves a man and a woman. While some states are making strides towards legalizing gay marriage, unless we as a nation call for the change, equality will not be reached.

The Don't Ask Don't Tell policy that was enacted under President Clinton in 1993 has forced gay and lesbian people in the military to hide who they really are and lie to their peers, so that they will not be discharged for who they love.

It's not just about the laws being repealed - although that is the biggest part. But it's about the message behind the laws as well. Cynthia Nixon gave a made a very poignant point in her speech that brought the laws to a bigger perspective, "When a country has different laws for different categories of people, it sends its population a message. That the different group of people with lesser rights are somehow inferior, and less deserving of respect, and are in fact, not fully human. That message is heard loud and clear by the worst elements in our society. And it instructs them that if they are looking for someone to bully, or beat, or even kill...if they are looking for someone vulnerable to prey upon, gay people are a ready target. And that is why this movement is not just about our ability to get married...it's not even just about our ability to stand up publicly and declare our love for the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. It is about demanding equal rights, equal responsibilities, equal opportunities, equal treatment and equal protection under the law, so that we can herald in a new day."

Repealing these laws are change I can believe in. We have the audacity of hope. Yes we can. Obama has voiced his desire to do this for the past two years. And this march was our act of asking the president to stop speaking - please act. The fatigue of the speakers was palpable. They were tired of waiting. Tired of their concerns being put aside while health care reform, Afghanistan, and our economy are on the fore front. Their voices want to be heard. They need to be heard.

I listened to numerous speakers whose stories invoked such emotion in me I couldn't help but shed a few tears. One 18 year old boy told us of how he had attempted suicide twice because he was so depressed. A former leiutenant told us of how he was discharged and forced out of West Point for voicing his sexuality - he said that he believes there are many things worth fighting for, and love is worth fighting for. The chairman to the NAACP likened the LGBT rights movement to the civil rights movement in the 1960s. Judy Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard who was brutally beaten and killed because of his sexuality, shared with us the sadness in her heart that her son could not be there to contribute to this day. A poet lifted our spirits with the notion that she doesn't think this change is just possible, yet it's inevitable. We as a humanity progress, and this will happen in our lifetimes. And one congressman from Utah told us of how the Mormon headquarters is located in his constituency, therefore, the Mormon population there has a gay congressman representing them.

This was a day I will never forget. I look forward to the day to come soon when the two laws are overturned, because no one would be able to look an L/G/B/T person in the eye and tell him or her that s/he is any less human just because of whom s/he loves.

I choose to celebrate love, towards man, woman, kitten, tree, books, polar bears, or anything you may wish to direct your love towards.

Today, I learned the difference between acceptance and equality.

down with the sickness

So, I'm sick. It started in my throat and permeated (I love that word) throughout my head and chest within a day.

I admit that I was kind of complaining about it when I got into work on Monday morning, that is until I got a really big slap in the face (not literally, thank goodness) that put things in perspective. This week is our sector's Diversity and Inclusion week - which, I think, is sad that we need to remind our employees to celebrate diversity, but that's a completely different topic. Anyway, the speaker to kick off the week was a Holocaust survivor, Nesse Godin, who shared with us her story from when she was 13-17 years old during the Holocaust. It was amazing, inspiring, and horrific. I was completely enthralled with the fact that she did not feel the need to shock us in order to awe us. The stories she told could have been extremely worse, and although she alluded to certain sights she saw, and even shared anectdotes of specific days she remembers, she reminded us that some things are just better left unsaid.

Man, did I feel stupid after I left. Here I was whining because I missed ice cream after a meeting...

Now here I am, at 9 p.m., sipping on some theraflu, hoping to induce me into a drug-minded sleep. Just grateful for being alive! Grateful that I can appreciate diversity without someone telling me to do so. Hopeful that our world will never let anything like that happen again.

Can I change gears a little now? I'm also excited. I get to go to Texas this weekend for work (which means it's FREE!) and participate in an event for a few days. This is very important for me, as I'm kind of pinch hitting for my manager, who is unable to go. I know I'm expected to provide a lot of input and feedback, as I am representing her! So that's me putting on my corporate hat.

Then, the day after I get back from that, I get to let my (newly cut) hair down and throw on some flip flops, and head to Costa Rica for 5 days! I am especially excited about this trip, as I am going with Natasha, and although we have a structure in place of what we want to do - this is going to be a trip of relaxation and adventure. The things we have set to do are:

• Hike the Arenal volcano
• Zip line down the volcano
• Hot Springs/La Fortuna waterfall
• Canopy Tours
• Go to a banana plantation!
• Observe all 5 species of turtles on a Carribean coast beach

Did you know there are only 5 species of turtles in the world? I did not. But those are the things we are going to do - and everything else is just extra. My life is wonderful, how could I be complaining about a silly little cold? Pssh...

Happiness IS contagious!

Here's the question:

Is Happiness Catching?

Apparently, it very well could be. It's a rather lengthy (but very interesting) article surrounding the effect that your friends' moods and habits have on you.

Essentially happy friends=happy you.

Thus, I choose to be happy, if not for me, at least for the sake of those I love! :)

Say cheese!

This is what my Saturday night consisted of. I started volunteering for Aspen Dale Winery today, and got three free bottles of wine for doing so. Yes, I drank rose tonight. It is delicious. I paired it with a Gruyere and some Cabot sharp cheddar. You should really learn about/buy from this farmer's coop, it's really worthwhile to pay just the little extra to help the farmers who are busting their asses to stay in business - and they sell all over the world! Their horseradish cheddar is magnificent, and the habanero cheddar is magically delicious if you like it spicy.

Oh, I also ate the entire baguette...and drank almost the whole bottle of wine. It was gluttonously delicious. Although, I really do think that I'm getting to be a bit lactose intolerant, and my tummy has already started to retaliate. Good thing I didn't think about getting that ice cream I was pining for earlier as well.

I rented "Gigantic" with Zooey Deschanel. I'm not 100% positive I understood everything completely, so if anyone else has watched it, I would love to be enlightened as to what the premise might have actually been.

I'm going to bed now feeling slightly bloated and defeated - yet again, my cravings overpower what my body is telling me it wants. But I can't lie, it felt oh so good.

Buenas noches.

Welcome to Thursday Night

I used to look forward to Thursdays back in grad school as the beginning of my weekend. Now I usually dread them, as my work weeks tend to get busier as it progresses. Fridays always drive me to either relieve me stress through heated yoga, or drinking excessively. Obviously, the former is probably a more productive use of my time, and I do enjoy a nice Friday yoga session after a long week, but sometimes I am suckered into a happy hour turned into a night of overindulgence.

I really do have mixed feelings about drinking these days. While it is true that it can help you relax or loosen up. I am definitely more talkative and courageous after a few drinks. But sometimes I wonder, am I seriously incapable of doing that without the liquid courage? Why do I have a desire to alter the me that makes me, me? If that even makes sense. I mean, I like myself! I still like myself while drinking, and I don't think I'm one to change into a completely different personality while consuming the rum and diets...soooo, yeah. Who knows. That's just what I think right now. I'm sure it will change soon. And yet I continue to booze. Gah, I'm so hypocritical!



Speaking with Katie Barry tonight made me realize that I change my mind about everything in my life - sometimes I catch myself telling people that I think one way, and in my head I'm thinking "I have never thought that before...what possessed me to tell someone that that is my opinion/view of something?" Is that just me?! Probably. I need to stop saying things just to say them, and really think more about what I'm saying. I know I'm allowed to change my views, but I don't want to express something without actually believing that's what I think at the time at least.

WOW, I'm really not making much sense tonight. I'm listening to a musician called Adrianne right now. I just went to her myspace page to make the hyperlink, and I found out that she'll be playing in a small little venue by me! What luck. It's on a Tuesday, but I think I will still go. Maybe even by myself. I'm feeling a little saucy like that. I just listened to her song "Flashlight"

All I want tonight
is a friend who can love me
like a flashlight
Shine what's good in me
I've lost sight of it
You see
Shine on me

I like that part. That's what my friends do for me - they help me see the best parts of myself, which I often lose sight of. THANK YOU!

This blog has been so completely random. I apologize to whomever reads this, as I doubt you will be able to make much sense of it. Word vomit tends to be a recurring theme in these writings, but I guess since I'm not saying them, it would be...thought vomit? Yes, I will give you a moment to ponder the idea.


I'm getting a haircut tomorrow. I'm doing it up big time. It's going away. My tresses will be several inches shorter. You will all see. No mas of this long hair! :) It will be liberating. I'm just hoping it looks good too. One of my most listened to artists, Missy Higgins, is inspiring it:

Easy like sunday morning?

I woke up this morning to a very sweet text message, closely followed by a hilarious phone call of a story from last night. I did my yoga, read a few pages of my book, and a little cleaning...all of these events helped me have good feelings about today - what a great start.
Then I made my first mistake: I turned on the TV. I watched a bit of "The Soup" on E. I'm not even going to make a link for it, because I don't want anyone to click on it. While I admit the show's pretty big on hilarity, I was soon disappointed in myself that I was looking to the belittlement of others to entertain me. All the show does is make fun of anyone and everyone. I don't need that kind of entertainment in my life.
My second mistake: Opening up my laptop. I usually go the gmail/facebook pages first, which I did. But I also like to check out nytimes.com to keep up with current events. Please do not misinterpret my next statement because I really do think it's important to be aware of what's going on in our world, but sometimes I don't want to know it.. The homepage was filled with bombings, deaths, wildfires, etc...maybe it's not that I don't want to know, it's just that I wish that wasn't our news. Why does exposing myself to this content leave me with feelings of sorrow? I would like to note this "Future of Reading" article, however. It tells about teachers who are allowing their students to choose the books they read in their literature classes. Giving students a voice in what they learn? What a grand, revolutionary idea!

So here's MY news of today: I have decided to create at least one thing every day. Whether it be cooking a new meal, hanging up a picture, snapping a notable photo, learning a new chord on the guitar, or even writing a blog. I am going to do it! Every day should have it's own creation. Yesterday I made my dad a Birthday gift (it's his 49th Birthday today - woot woot! And he has facebook now...you all should friend him and write a birthday message on his wall), wrote a "thinking of you" card to my sister, and hung up more pictures on my wall that I've been meaning to do for a while...


Maybe I just need to retreat back into my own world for a little bit and hope that the happiness inside me affects my immediate world. It won't make the news, but hopefully it will make someone's day :)

I get by with a little help from my friends

One thing that I am most grateful for in my life are my amazing friends. I have decided to share a few reasons. The following is a list of activities I doubt I would have done if my friends weren't so stupendous (keep in mind that these are only examples from the past few months...)

See LA and the surrounding area

Drunkenly walk on the beach
Go to see some of the European Embassies

Camp in West Virginia

Find out how to take sparkler pictures

Eat free ranged, organically fed chicken eggs
Witness the re-opening of the Eastern Market

Go to the Independence Day parade
Ride a segway
See Jason Mraz in concert
See the "Phillips after 5" collection

Play drinking Jenga
Be involved a Photo Project
Visited the Hirshorn Museum and Sculpture Garden

Learn about different American Indian tribes
Played in a "golf" party
Go tubing down the Potomac River
Visit local wineries

Meet lovely dutchmen
Watched a DC United soccer game

Wade in the World War II Memorial

There are hundreds of thousands and millions and badillions of other reasons why I am grateful for my friends, and the list does not even scratch the surface of fun, brilliant experiences I have had with them. It took me approximately two minutes to come up with a list of about 20 things. So that means if I thought for 20 minutes, I would come up with about 200!! :)

Agape!

The calm in the midst of the storm

It really was storming today. But I've decided that I love Tuesdays. These are the days I have my guitar lessons, which means a few things. First, I have a reason to leave work early. If I didn't, I would get stuck in traffic and be late...which is unacceptable for me. Second, I get to learn more on the guitar. My teacher really is great, he's taught me a lot in such a short period of time. Apparently I know a few songs...but when I play them it doesn't sound quite right (yet). It'll get there.

I think the thing I like most about my guitar lessons is that it gives me an excuse to take public transportation into the city on a weekday, during rush hour. To most people, this would probably be pretty aggravating: waiting for the metro with hundreds of other people, transferring lines, standing up in crowded cars standing next to different people who all have their own funny smells...but I love it.

It's me time. I could not tell you one thought that I had on the journeys to Dupont Circle and back. Honestly, I just tried to remember what I was thinking, but am unable to do so. It's great. Even walking in the rain and thunder did not phase me. Others complained, I embraced the wetness. It was nice relief from the brutal humidity that made me noticeably short of breath.

This evening was even the first time I noticed I wasn't paying attention to anyone else on the train, I was solely focused on myself and my own being. It was peaceful...a feeling I can't quite place, nor do I want to - there's no need to name it. But it made my heart feel good. I listened to KT Tunstall. Although I'm not sure what prompted this, it really made for the perfect soundtrack of the ride. If you haven't listened to Throw Me a Rope or Universe & U, then please do so now.

Madeline and I reflecting on our reflections in the sculpture garden. We also visited Yoko Ono's Wish Tree for DC, where we saw people's wishes on display for public viewing:

And our own...

I have such great people in my life who are willing to come out and visit me. I am so extremely grateful for all of you. I even think I will have another guest this weekend. :)

crystal in real life

I've been busy living, and not taking the time to write about any of it. It's a beautiful thing. In the next month I expect to be busy with life - I had a visitor last weekend, one coming this weekend, and after two weekends of being responsible for no one but myself, my mom and two aunts will be visiting. My mom, like my dad, has become a friend. And I am looking forward to them coming so they can see what I'm surrounded by every day, and hopefully explore areas that I don't see on a regular basis.

My mama always sends me vitamins and reading materials on healthy dieting - she's a dietitian. Most recently, she send me an article about my new vegetarian diet: not eating meat while still getting the vitamins, protein, iron, etc. that my body needs. I always appreciate that. I try to give my body the nourishment it needs. I figure if I take better care of it, it will take better care of me; it's all about the reciprocity, right?!

I don't have anything of substance to write. Like I said, life is good - life is full. I'm enjoying my time and my company. Although I do wish certain people made more frequent appearances...


Except that I feel like I haven't done anything today. Who said "time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time?" I think that's the motto of this hot summer Sunday. Which is why I found time to write...about nothing. My thoughts today are not profound, nor very interesting to be honest. But they are my thoughts nonetheless.

the universe is very intelligent

I woke up this morning early enough to see the sunrise. I laced up my tennis shoes and went on a run - making myself aware of the initial darkness that had slowly turned into light by the time I was done. I loved the backwards feeling I got when the streetlights were on when I headed out the door, and then dimmed to zero percent on my way back. Watching the sunrise has been something I've been meaning to do for a while now, and why not choose today to actually do it?

I even had time to do the five tibetan rites when I was done. I have been making an attempt to practice yoga at least once daily. These poses that I have been doing in the morning help wake up my body, especially when I'm not energetic enough at 6 a.m. to venture outside to run. Sometimes I only do the five, but sometimes they turn into a more lengthy sun salutation series...depending on how much time I have.

I finished "A New Earth" last night, and have already started on my next book - "What Should I do with My Life?" by Po Bronson. It's about people who have asked that exact question, and had the courage to direct their lives' courses into what they wanted - they realized they had the power to steer! In the introduction, however, he prefaces that not all of the stories have happy endings. So, although I expect this book to be motivational to help myself find the answer to this seemingly obvious question, I realize that it doesn't always work out.

Also, today is the start of our Photo Project 2009. The first word is "up." This morning, I logged onto my computer and performed my morning ritual of reading my email, checking the weather, and searching facebook. I looked at blogspot, and noticed that my favorite artist had a new blog entitled "looking up." I'm not sure if I believe in coincidences anymore. I've started to think that there is a universal intelligence that can explain everything, but the human mind's intelligence is not capable of comprehending. I have started to notice these so-called coincidences more frequently, which is probably because I've come to just accept them; no questions asked. When I noticed the title of the blog today, I just sat and smiled - thanking the universe for thinking of me today.

On a semi-side note, I think everyone should sign up for the universe's daily notes. Today's Totally Unique Thought from the Universe to Crystal Martin is this:

It's truly a sight to see, Crystal, when the inhabitants of any planetarycivilization cross the tipping point and begin to individually accept completeand eternal responsibility for their own happiness.
Yet, this hardly compares to the mountain quaking, body shaking, polarity-flipping,hero-making occurrences that transpire when such inhabitants graduate to accepting complete and eternal responsibility for their every twinge of unhappiness.

Brings tears to my eyes,
The Universe

Yeah, the second one is a lot trickier, Crystal. Double, gigantic.

So today, I am responsible for how happy or unhappy I will be. I choose to be happy.

Agape.
-Crystal

Mr. A-Z

I can't believe I haven't written about the Jason Mraz concert yet. Well, yes I can - it's because I am still having a difficult time expressing the way I was feeling that night. I always think it's funny when someone says that "words can't express" something - because that's what words are supposed to do! Although, I do realize that words are extremely limiting and that feelings can sometimes be indescribable. Take love, for example. Love is a form-based word that humans have given to something that is formless. Eckhart Tolle describes the feeling as being "when you are in touch with that dimension within yourself - and being in touch with it is your natural state, not some miraculous achievement - all your actions and relationships will reflect the oneness with all life that you sense deep within. This is love." (I'm reading his book "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Inner Purpose" which is extremely powerful, and has given me much material for some quiet introspection)

I've also been introduced to a new word for a different kind of love - agape.

Anyway, this blog was going to be about the concert, not about love. Or, this blog is now about my love for the concert. We sang, we danced, we stole things - if only it was time away from our "real lives" to live in a dream world full of beautiful music and gratitude for one evening.

Introducing the show with his friend and host, Bushwalla.


Singing with his bandmate, Toca Rivera. Who carries a gnome around with him on tour.

Singing Details in the Fabric - and the crowd sang the part of James Morrison. So technically, I've done a duet with Jason Mraz.
A little blurry, but still wonderfully delectable.
Singing Butterfly, which is is my favorite song on the album. It's a sexy little jam. He sang it last, so I'm pretty sure it's his favorite too.
As you can see - we were pretty close. Just the way I liked it. It was wonderfully magnificent and stupendous. And the pictures captured above don't even do justice to the pictures I took with my very own eyes that night - the ones whose prints will only be displayed in my mind.

I even took a few videos (during the slow songs, since I was too busy enjoying myself and dancing during the more upbeat ditties).







And of course I had to take one for my dad...he loves "I'm Yours"



Anyway, I really have him to thank for me starting a blog (and in turn, gently forcing some friends to start one as well). His words are a source of positivity and inspiration. His curiousity spurs some of my own, and those are the kind of people who are good to have in your life. I realize that he is completely unaware of my existence, and that is fine. When someone is in your thoughts - in your head - that's the closest they can be, isn't it? This can all seem very silly, to allow someone who you don't know affect your life in some way, but the way I see it is that if it's doing my life good, I shouldn't be ashamed as to where it's coming from.

I have likened my interest in Jason Mraz to my mom's interest in Bruce Springsteen. She has seen him probably almost 20 times in concert, and has travelled as far as New Jersey from Illinois to see him on his hometown stage. I told my mom this, to which she responded "Ok, well we will see how you feel about him in 30 years, then we can talk."